So I was blaaazed. & while he was in me all I kept thinking was how bad I'd rather be watching The Office.
Just bought plan B with a coupon. Told the pharmacist I like to keep it classy.
Every day you talk to me ... I literally love you more..
the australian girl literally just drank an entire pitcher of beer in about twenty seconds. i want to go to there.
You know I found it really difficult to find a full lenght picture for the egg donor site where I wasn't holding any alcohol...
Here's a tip. Don't party with someone that needs sexual attention. Drinking and sexual attention don't mesh well in the morning. Especially over a bowl of Cheerios.
What exactly do I say to a random stoner hookup to thank him for ending my dry spell? Is it awkward to just say "Thanks for that. It was well needed."
I'd say it's his fault for never running us through proper protocol for "catching your RA in the middle of him banging some girl"
I just tried to brush my hair with a can opener. Who gave you that brownie
The cat is stealing cigarettes and my vagina cures blindness. How's your night?
Was it cause you feel bad for the ridiculousness my vagina goes through because same
Will u lay on an air mattress with me and drink vodka while we listen to Rick James?
That was before I lit my hair on fire
He came into my room last night and started peeing underneath my desk, I told him the bathroom was the next door over.
Some bitch is passed out in a pool of vomit. Fucking lightweight, it's only 8.30.
Oh, wait.. That's you.
I just hooked up with the German exchange student who doesn't speak English. And you said I have no talent.
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