I have no idea who these bands are he's listening to. If his current playlist was a pandora station, however, it would be titled "music for closet cock gobblers"
ii just google-imaged 'sad turtle' and maggie gyllenhaal only came up once. what is the world coming to?
She just dipped a dollar bill in her queso dip and almost ate it before I slapped it out of her hand, no more bar crawls..
So I just bought underwear that says "I'm taken." Just know that when I cheat on my bf with you, that's what I'm wearing
i walked in on you eating. you had the fridge wide open and you were rotating between steak and handfuls of captain crunch.
That awesome feeling when you are pooping on the same toilet that nobel laureates have pooped on
I don't have any bail money, if that's where this conversation is going
I'm spending tomorrow with her. What should my ridiculous personal goal be? I've already got a blowjob while eating a cupcake
Eating a chocolate bar and crying over a cobweb. Life is beautiful and I love shrooms.
Is it possible to sluttify a hobbit costume? Cause if so, this will be my biggest accomplishment.
I spent a good part of the night in a bear hat claiming I'd changed spieces
Just remember, the Browns have more wins than Ronda Rousey this year.
Remember that guy that walked around our house naked with a boner wearing nothing but his winter coat? Well, he has a kid now.
This night could easily degenerate into a drunken haze of strippers and gambling, but I need a support network.
Got any extra dick over there? I’m running low
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