If you really hate me that much, you need to stop letting me put my penis inside of you. It sends the wrong message.
I just saw a Kleenex commercial and thought about last night. I'm sorry about your hair.
I just woke up to find the whole kitchen sick had been converted into a gravity bong.
I'm promising sexual favors in return for his responsible life decisions. Now THIS is growing up.
I'm making you a bingo card for hookups of the school year 2011-12 so you can make even worse life decisions next year
It's safe to say that bucket of tequila night can NEVER HAPPEN AGAIN.
I've never been so embarrassed. It's like waking up as Fred Durst.
There's a man in a pumpkin/reaper outfit advertising a new head shop outside the Taco Bell. I love this town.
Look, opening a Guinness with a steak knife and nearly cutting your finger off to make another carbomb is always a good idea.
That amazing moment when the girl in the passenger seat decides to strip you while your driving.
I woke up and they were watching power rangers in japanese so I just found my bra and left
Commuter bitches be judging your sister and her bag fulla wine. It's a motherfucking rosé, bitch!
Giving the guy pizza was a good idea. Leaving him naked on the pool table makes you my hero
I'm trying to find a fanny pack so I can bring pizza on my run
He fucked the hangover right out of me. That good.
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