fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
I looked at my arm when I woke up..I guess after 8 tally marks I said fuck it and wrote "too much"
I'm sitting in front of the mirror eating cereal and pondering how my boobs got so big
Welcome to my life
we just drove by a car that was painted for a grad, it said "you done it!" with a confederate flag bumper sticker next to it. i love kentucky
CAUTION: TWINS DO NOT HAVE TWIN PENISES.
sorry for throwing an entire water bottle of vodka at you. It was very wasteful
to which he commented "you must really like me on top". I didn't have the heart to tell him that was the only way the room stopped spinning
The vodka told me to go iceskating on my frozen pool. I may have attempted.
For someone only wearing socks and a cast, I felt reallyy overdressed
Just heard the girl at the bar cuss her bf out and order a long island ice tea. Going to give it 5 min then I'm going in. See you on the other side.
I'm pretty sure they kept making references about gangbanging me but I was too stoned to catch on, I just sat there and stared at his kitten.
Honestly I'm so excited to go to bed I feel as if I don't deserve to be in my early twenties.
Is re-gifting a Valentine's Day present worse than re-gifting a Xmas one?
You're unbelievable, unbelievably awesome.
I don't think Buddha would recommend a sexscpade across Mexico
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
Randomize
