He asked if I wanted to blow his flute? Please call me and pretend there is a family emergency!!!
omg. if hes just gonna get mad everytime i have sex with one of his "friends" then it was never gonna work out
I wish there was a non slutty way to ask the guys across the hall if i can copy their men's bathroom key so I have one for my one night stands
I didn't budget in chasers this month so were chasing everything with water. Sorry.
I'm drugging my best friend. I'm like a whole new level of bitch.
Its like the unofficial aniversary of the loss of her virginity. And I will be giving tours of the spot they did it in and showing how I'm serious when I say the grass doesn't grow there anymore.
Im having a christmas reunion party tonight. Last year i ate my own contact. We'll see how this year goes
Just woke up in his bed wearing only his shoes. I don't know how to gently say hey dude get the fuck up and take me home....regardless these are some nice shoes.
Omg yes! I just found a random muffin! Don't question it. Just praise the miracle.
He's hitting it raw. Might as well stick his dick in a vat of SARS at this point.
THIS IS THE 11TH FUCKING COFFEE TABLE THAT YOU AND RICHARD CRASHED THROUGH.
I'm surprised me and Richard survived 11 of your coffee tables.
YOU TWO ARE BUYING ME A NEW ONE I AM PISSED.
I'm so drunk. Remember me this way.
All I want is some guy to eat me out while I work on grad school things then go on his way
A guy caught me talking to a sock today in the Laundry room if it makes you feel any better
Sadly that does. Why...where you talking to a sock
Bc I didn't know him and I asked him where he came from and why he was hanging out with my thongs
Omg worst high ever. I'm watching Parks and Rec, and all i can think about is how andy, leslie, and tom are my closest friends. Forever alone.
Randomize
