dude, mark had the least successful cab ride in history last night. took a cab to the bars, stopped at every atm in the city, none worked, then had to come back to the party to beg for 20 to pay the taxi that officially took him nowhere.
first time Ive ever had to stop sex to go pass out in the kitchen floor...
where are my pants?
you were passing out with two blankets and the person next to you was cold so you gave him your pants to keep warm
I wish I could rewind to my 8th birthday instead. I wanna wake up, eat as much cake as I want, and have a Transformers birthday party without someone judging me.
My mouth already tastes like senor cuervo took a piss in it and it's barely 1 am
I have a pocket in my purse that is just for condoms and cocktail swords. I feel like that speaks volumes about me as a person
I went on my dinner date pretending that my lunch date didn't jizz in my hair.
Just to an Octoberfest and a sex party. Nothing wild.
On the bad side I puked, but on the bright side I puked lettuce which was a new experiance
I saw Nicolas Cage's face in the moon. Those were good shrooms.
Boise Idaho, where you have a one night stand with someone from your town 3 states away and run into them the day you return...
YOU WILL DIE AND I WILL CARVE 'I TOLD YOU SO' ON YOUR HEADSTONE
I don't know what his name was or what he looked like, but I remember him rocking me to sleep with his cock
He offered me handsanitizer after a hand job, you can't tell me he's not perfect!
Just got referred to as "the girl from Tuesday night" at the Taco Bell drive thru...what happened on my birthday?!
Randomize
