So how was last night?
Let's just say I danced with the devil
Huh?
I'm going to Hell for sure
I have one thing to say: spongebath.
I wish that wasn't all you had to say. And by that, I mean I wish you hadn't said that at all.
The world would be so much better with thought bubbles.
why does he think he needs to feed/take me out to get some ass? we are at a bar wasting my fucking time
can u get pink eye on your cock?
We watched a biography of Frida Kahlo in class today. It was depressing. A chick with a UNIBROW just put my sex life to shame.
hypothetically speaking is slutty or smart to buy plan b before we go on spring break so i dont have to get it in mexico
I just found a thank you note I apparently wrote to my bed last night for letting me borrow the comforter.
A DRUNK EMT IS BETTER THAN NO EMT!!!
Well girls crying gets you hard so you're not really a good standard to me
I seem to have forgotten that I am wearing a one piece bathing suit under my clothes
The last thing I remember was wearing a sombrero and trying to do cartwheels in the club
You did one successfully. Then smashed into the wall
I wanted to waterboard myself with beer, but no one would give me their shirt to do it.
Hey I'm at the gym and I need your personal trainer help. Also can you send me that picture of me eating a sausage. I want to post it on instgram.
I was just told that I'm the Sherlock Holmes of drunken sex. I'll take it.
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