he was so excited that he found the elusive clitoris. i was like look christopher colombus, just because you found it doesnt mean you knew what to do with it
Umm. Any where really. Alcohol and boobs. Those are the requirements.
your mascara is on the toilet seat from when you fell asleep last night
he just kept saying "come on iron man, you can do this!" to himself the whole time..
nothing says 'im willing to leave my comfort zone for you' like letting you choke me during sex
On a lighter note, the guy I gave a lap dance to then fell asleep on his crotch just facebook friend requested me..
What the fuck could you be doing in that room to make her yell "Beginners Luck!" over and over again?
She was bending and I said "finally, about time". Wrong, she was tying her shoe. No blowjobs for me.
he congratulated me on my ability to grow long hair after pulling it to see if i had extensions
Can I use your baby to go shoplifting?
I've woke up with the same hoodie on backwards, twice this week. I think that's a record
I'm so glad you support me having casual sex with your uncle
Give me an out of order sign and caution tape and we can have sex practically anywhere.
He has a syndrome called asshole. And it flares up 24/7.
i just want to cuddle, make out and maybe have a boob grabbed but no. someone has to have mono.
Randomize
