Whiskey dick.
Yea dude! Love it. Hate it. Have it.
Everyday of my life.
I told her the white crusty stuff on my boxers was frosting not cum. She seemed MORE grossed out then
We have sex, then he cooks. It's like a fantasy.
she gave him a mild concussion from throwing him against the wall in an attempt to dance with him. gotta love monday nights at the sandbar.
I'll put it this way. My grandkids felt that fuck.
I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
You've eaten a Lean Pocket for every meal for at LEAST 3 days now. Get your life in line.
Of course she said it wasn't that good, I don't bring my A game to pity fuck the thrice divorced girl from work
i told you that I felt like my feet were melting into the ground and you starting blowing on them to put out the "invisible fire". thanks friend.
I'm sitting next to some random guy in a gorilla suit drinking out of a bottle of vodka.
He's majoring in Religion
What kind of scumbag goes to a baby's 1st birthday party with a black eye? This kind. Me. I'm disgraceful.
He looks like an accountant with a secret kinky candy filled center.
Sexting gets boring after a while. I'm eating a sandwich right now and googling 'sexting ideas' and just copy/pasting lines.
It's a good sandwich though.
As soon as you told us you were an ostrich with a big penis, we began to wonder what you were on and if you wanted to share.
Dude my roommate just peed out the window
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