I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
She was lying in bed moaning while eating a Snickers and masturbating.
"Hung over, tired and having a faint scent of some body butter and random pieces of glitter from a girl named gigi, almost arrested in drug bust, $40 Canadian in my pocket and all i got was this lousy Tshirt" shirts dont exist, but they need to
He passed out while I was riding him, and just when I was about to call it quits he opens his eyes and squeezes my boobs and goes Honk! Honk!
Just got cockblocked by coyotes. This would happen to me.
oh and if she happens to say anything about a cantalope and tissues... just go with it
I have to take his virginity. It's what God put me on earth for. It's my life mission.
SARAH B AND I ARE GOING TO GO HALFSIES AND BUY YOU A CAT. IS THAT OKAY. TO KEEP YOU COMPANY DURING THUNDERSTORMS SUCH AS THIS ONE. ITS BECAUSE WE LOVE YOU.
I just masturbated while eating dinner. Now who's the lazy one
I invited you and you fucked me in the face with the penis of disappointment and shit.
I will have you again some day my love. And our divorce will be magnificent
It's not a real holiday until someone pees on you. Did someone pee on you?
You will bone me until my eyeballs fall out. This is not a request.
I left the office with a vacuum, 2 condoms and 300 dollars cash money. Tell me I don't have the most versatile job on the planet.
Promise me if ever I think I can't do anything, remind me that I waxed my own butthole
Randomize
