Update: Discussing lingerie with my father. He likes sheer black things. Not into the colorful stuff I wear.
Some 6 yr old girl just got on my plane in St. Louis. She was wearing an I Love Canada shirt. She eyed the seat next to me and I stared her straight in the eyes and shook my head. Fuck her. Fuck canada.
I just recorded courtney puking and set it as my ringtone.
So thanks to the xanax and vodka memory erasering combo i wake up only to reopen a picture of some very familiar balls
NO YOU'RE NOT. I don't want to hear that SHIT. Jameson appreciation day part 1 is saturday and YOU WILL BE READY.
Can't a girl send out a 4 pm booty call anymore
Ok so now that we've actually had sex do I get the last name or are u really witness protection status?
You ever just wake up and decide, today I'm going to eat a whole bag of fritos and a tub of cream cheese
Drunkenly, I gave him a molly instead of an aleve so A) I'm still looking for him and B) I'm not sure about his headache.
I would reevaluate a bf who is happy with other guys doing me.
Anyway, all that to say that tiny penises are a hassle.
Drink. Fuck. Waffle House. Repeat.
DONT TELL ME I CANT HAVE AN ENTIRE BOTTLE OF VODKA AT DINNER. IM AN ADULT. I PAY BILLS.
I'll seduce him with my charm, after all, I am a graceful swan.
More like a demented cow.
I could see the visible disappointment when she saw my penis
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