I just sat in the Taco Bell drive-thru waiting for a trash can to take my order. Yes, that high.
just drew up plans to mow my front lawn into the American flag for world cup. that high and patriotic.
She's like the pied piper of lesbians.
I used puppy pads next to the couch for her to throw up on....
My phone saved "first signs of pregnancy" as a most visited search.
yeah the cable guy is coming and everybody is hiding all the pieces in the house. we are up to thirty two. like a fun game of smokable scavener hunt.
Just thinking about this summer makes me feel a slight tingle of an orgasm mixed with a twinge of regret as the cold ghostly feeling of multiple hangovers creep into my body.
You know how I said I'd never worry about my roommate? Well I just walked in on her masturbating to Star Trek.
Did she boldly cum where no one has cum before?
I think I might be harboring a Canadian in my womb.
I was stalking his twitter and saw that he used punctuation in a hashtag. Thank god we didn't work out because I can't be with someone that incompetent
There's an owl outside. I feel like he's hooing directly at me.
handcuff keys just fell out of my bra....wtf happened last night?
why is there a shopping cart in my back seat? and a dick drawn on the side of my car?
He gave us beer and shots and made us pizza in his brick oven before firing a handgun into the air to signal it was time to give us a ride in his inflatable raft to the bars.
He's like a mythological figure
Best night if my life? Time I got eaten out in the backseat of a M5 while eating White Castle. Then he fucked me. Perfect
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