i'm the matthew mcconaghey of this party. i'm too old, and too high.
70 feet underwater and I sharted my wetsuit, Tide pen won't clean this up.
is it really high of me to have brought my own hot sauce to wendys?
I wouldnt endorse that guy if he was walking in a walkathon to raise money for a disease i had
just got dressed up for chatroulette- THAT desperate.
he thanks me after handjobs.
you found the perfect man.
and then they started calling me 'Shitshow Shandra', which apparently i took as a compliment.
the lady next to me just sniffed my hair, smiled, and then fell asleep. I almost started crying from that kind of creepiness
don't cry, we can learn from her
U should just post that picture of u two on facebook with the caption, does anyone know this girl? If so please tell her to take plan b, thanks
Gosh I haven't been pantsless in front of anyone for a while. It's time for me to pick up my game. We need a party. I need some rum.
If graduating leads me to stop getting naked at inappropriate times in public places I'm going to be pissed
I fell on my face, puked, and had to be rocked to sleep in a hammock. I'd say Europe is a success
Back at condo with chick. What is the condom situation urgent response needed
Maybe snorting K off penises isn't healthy
My mom and my boss just had a discussion on FB about the sexual habits of old people. The magic of the Internet.
Randomize
