for halloween i should be pregnant. what is scarier than that?!
I fucked the bump it out of her hair. just had to let everyone know.
I Think it is all interconnected. Emma caused most of the nakedness
Hypothetically, how much legal trouble do you think i will be in for stealing someone's dog?
you want a dog just so you can strap a barrel of hot chocolate around its neck?
The only way I can describe the noise he makes when he has an orgasm: dying walrus.
I kind of want to throw a lot of things at him. Mostly blunt, heavy objects.
Just saw Santa sitting on a restaurant patio drinking beer and using his free hand to gesture to cars that he's watching them
So to recap Superbowl Sunday - I won $100, bumped into the anti-christ and his cult, met a guy in a kilt and a wican, then got invited to a gayguy afterhours party.
Gonna be tough to beat that next year!
Remind me never to smoke before babysitting again. Ate an entire bottle of children's gummy vitamins.... not an easy thing to explain to parents.
When you get home...find me in the shower. Only safe place at the moment.
Major win last night. I traded my roommate two cigs for a six pack and a bag of beef jerky. This has been a Brian weekend update
He's ready to settle down, whereas I'm like "More shots please"
Two grav bong hits and a shower later and I'm ready for company
It's like you say things that speak to my soul on a deep personal level
Well 1) stay calm 2) stay safe 3) drink more
Randomize
