this is ridiculous... i look like a white version of MC Hammer...
Threesome last night. Not that cool, you tend to pick a favorite.
I am waking up at 7am to go to church with him and his family... I better get eaten out tonight.
That weatherman I hooked up with is on TV again
U handed him a box of flavored condoms, winked, and slurred, "grape juice is her favorite."
Just shook hands with the bud light truck driver, thanked him for his service to our country
One thing noone tells you about getting put in the drunk tank is do it barefoot. You get free flipflops.
Seriously though, you almost tore my right nipple off.
At what point in life does one make the conscious decision to incorporate capes into everyday life? Like, as a fashion statement?
I'm not sure how to answer that. Is it a general question or one you're wondering about for yourself? Because I don't think you're there yet.
There's scrapes on the inside of both my thighs.. Because we wanted to get drunk and climb trees naked.
I just ate your leftovers whilst watching Garfield and Friends. Thank you across the board.
There's a kitten on my face and I'm druuuunk
I have a few Facebook friends I only keep around for quality control purposes on Tinder
I would offer you moral support, but I have questionable morals..
You’re not his type
I’ve got blonde hair and great tits. I’m every man’s type
Randomize
