So how Liz Lemon is this? I bring a boy home, we get in bed, and I realize there's a lean pocket wrapper in the sheets.
hey soul. what's that? you, dignity and pride are left for the night? coulda told me that before i vomited all over my mother.
I just hemmed my dress for halloween, never felt more like a man
These 5 days benders will be the death of me. Just living and breathing is a struggle right now.
We found your brother, passed out, floating in our pool, with a bottle, on a blow up mattress. How did he mange to walk 2 blocks and get into our backyard?
He tried eating fireworks, to stop him being hungover in the morning. Where do you keep finding these people?!
This weekend I forgot a cup, so I drank my wine out of a Pringles can. So classy. You would have been so proud.
Grass is always greener, Allison, grass is always greener
The grass is drunker and I'm lying down on it
My one regret (beside the inevitable shit storm that followed) is that now I can't fuck his cute friend.
I think I just figured out how to make weed tea in the coffeemaker.
It's Christmas. You could splurge on something a LITTLE fancier than wine in a box.
I ate so much cake that I can't even enjoy a blowjob
That's the most first world problem I've ever heard in my life.
Someone keeps hanging up bible verse posters in the bathroom stall I masturbate in at work.
I got home and he was wearing a suit. He said he reason was because it was shirt and tie Saturday and that he won't change until midnight. He then proceeded to answer the door in a British accent.
All I want right now is a waffle and some fried chicken and a penis.
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