I just saw a commercial that said "call your doctor if erections last more than 4 hours". I said "disgusting" and my mom said "I know, i hate when that happens." Get me out of here.
It says i should accept HIV aids as my friend on facebook.We have 12 friends in common. I need new friends.
He asked me why my bellybutton was so ugly... and wondered why i wasnt in the mood anymore.
She was so adorably desperate I didn't have the heart to tell her I wasn't a lesbian. So now She's making waffles, may switch teams over this.
So you had sex with my brother?
It sounds like you dont need me to answer that.
Ok say I was sexually attracted to a patient who also happens to be in high school...on how many levels is that illegal? And will I actually hear the laws break when I fuck him
No, the real question is if you drink like I drink why WOULDN'T you wear a cape.
Carrying your underwear around in your purse on Sunday morning is its own religious experience
That is NOT what pussyfooting around means. Try that again with your toe and I break it off.
No I did not just post a Craigslist ad for a used stripper pole because I can't afford my own. But now that you put the idea in my head I might have to.
I survive off of bourbon and the tears of others only
I made a half way decent playlist
Im gonna call it "hanging myself"
I need a job that does not involve working with people who wear animal costumes when they get fucked.
she just kept pointing at the cows and calling them field penguins
Hey, before I head out, whats your policy on casual drug use and one night stands?
Randomize
