How the fuck did you go into work today? You are a better man than I. I couldn't even show up to being unemployed on time.
Godddamnit i jsu woke up in oharee. My connecxtion left an hro ago. Thosse flight atttendants can DRinK
Donna and I are betting on whether or not you are going to cheat on your boyfriend tonight....I said you wouldnt do it.
You might as well just give her the money now.
yeah i just made her a character on oregon trail and i hope she gets dysentry and dies. that'll show her.
All I wanna do is sit in water and get drunk. The only thing more American is giving birth to eagles.
I feel like I wont be making enough money to support my frivilous lifestyle of beer and mcdonalds
What can I say, I bounce back quick. Never thought the line "my turtle died" would get me so many free drinks last night
I don't know what it was about last night, but every bar that i went to there was at least one girl there that i had done something with. I'm sure the girl that i went with knew because they all grabbed my penis and told me to call them.
A girl told me I was her "alcohol spirit animal" tonight. Somehow I think my whole life was secretly building up to this moment
Is it possible to be sexually attracted to someone's hair?
I TOOK A FINGER IN THE BUTT YOU CAN OPEN THIS MESSAGE
Thank you for trusting your ovaries to me
Ok sry I left that ambiguous......did you want contact solution or fellatio?
I'm nothing if not determined to sleep with everyone at that company
The not so cute guy next to me made me play Kid Rock on the jukebox but I'm a big believer in free drinks so I obliged.
Randomize
