Call me "white mamba"
Your dick is not a dangerous deadly poisonous snake
It is white.
At least we don't have one night stands
True that. We sink our claws in our men.
She made a list of the things each of us had done wrong and assigned a point system. Guess who came out the loser?
drunk me just left notes all around the apt to remind shitfaced me that i have mashed potatoes in the fridge. do not take them down if you come home before me.
My phone really needs to stop auto correcting "library" to "ovary".
It took him three days to realize his roommate had moved out.
Road construction signs are deceptively heavy
You call it a hangover, I call it a baby squirrel burrowing its way out of my head.
We were Chugging coronas for the soul purpose of launching limes out of the 3rd story window, I'd say it was a good weekend
Nothing tops off the night like giving emotional and spiritual guidance to a 70 year old transvestite.
One of my life goals was never to see an uncircumcised dick. I guess that's out the window now.
I've officially dedicated my newly single life to making myself squirt.
Worse. He's Mormon. At least a gay guy will go get drinks with me.
So my new thing apparently is getting wasted, showing people my slytherin socks and convincing them I'm slytherin..because why not
he was just sitting there in his underwear... and his chewbacca mask...
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