I've come to the conclusion that as a grad student I would much rather prefer to get laid then get drunk
I think you know full well that a few years ago my stance was the polar opposite
If she's not going to maintain the upkeep of her vag then I'm not going to pay the rent of being her boyfriend
was it more than 30 minutes?
ya
then you're in a relationship
the fact that i fell through a skylight is the least humiliating part of the night
About to see some guy and give him a glance that tries to express how sorry i am for blowing his friend while he was getting a BJ in the same room
You got into a heated argument about Frankenstein's intelligence while double fisting burritos from taco bell.
Out of all the people in the house to show their tits at mcdonalds to try and get free food, they picked those two?
Dude... You called me at 3am to tell me you still had your pants.
Sex on acid. Try it. I thought we were fucking in outer space with fireworks inside a rocketship car. Best.
WE'RE NOT MAKING A DICK PIZZA OKAY
Has anyone ever blacked out at an art show your dad brought you to?
You can't leave me alone in times of distress because I will fuck things 🙈😐
I am officially in a love triangle with my celebrity crush
There is an episode of "how it's made" on tv right now. The subject is tequila and water beds. Basically my life.
If you ever get divorced...would you call me??
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