Peanut Butter and turkey sandwich...this may come back to haunt me
trying to line up a DD for St Pats Day. i guarantee i will put out. or puke and pass out. really its 50/50 at this point.
He just asked me to pee through my panties while he watched. I might need more tequila for this one.
we're driving around with this really dirty (unclean and inappropriate) 60 year old ex-san quintin con named old skool d that my brother knows and hes bringing us to get weed. what is montana?
people in the room actually applauded when we discovered you had the ability to somehow throw up on your own back
Its completely acceptable to go naked under my graduation gown right?
Some ppl might frown upon it but theyre prudes
I blame it on the rum. It keeps jumpng doqn my throst.
Found a phone out last night at the bar. EPIC homemade porn vids on it!
As he was going down on me, I looked over his shoulder and said "ohh a Christian mingle commercial is on"
Getting robbed by hookers is def a right of passage in a mans life
I have never lost more friends than while playing Uno drunk.
I'm not trying to analyze you I'm just saying you are being unfair to soup
I found a loose wire in my thermostat. Couldn't find the pliers, so I used a nipple clamp to fix it.
So... Sorry we took your wife to the strip club last night... And sorry we bought her that lap dance... I think you're getting closer to your dream of a threesome, though.
I just tried to dye my pubic hair teal for her
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