We should takd a huggy cab to snuggle bunnyville
Im gonna name my vag after egypt, "the valley of kings"
She thought I was gay, so I told her I'd be more comfortable with anal. She agreed.
Just bonged a beer from a vuvuzela...this place is only doing good for me
The intern claims someone glued plastic eyeballs to his penis last night. He going to show everyone in the conference room at 3pm. There is a $5 cover charge.
This whole bra on the outside of my shirt thing is so convenient. It turns my shirt into a pocket to eat Fritos out of. Mmm boobies
I asked him how his night was and he sent me a picture of a bottle of Ciroc with a bendy straw...
I can't put those talents on a resume
I need you to go into my room and get some pants then bring them and four band aids to Sam's apartment no questions
The moment I said this burrito on my nuts feels really good is the moment I knew I was drunk
Okay, new plan. Get drunk, eat breadsticks. It's going to be great.
I don't think he likes that I'm always sending him pictures of me in my bra but he needs to get it together
Mixing Powerade and white wine has been one of my better ideas.
I just had a flashback to us shaking up Gatorade mix and then inhaling it in your kitchen because it was funny. Now I can't stop laughing in work because that is the stupidest shit.
So I'm at home coloring while smoking a joint. It can only go down hill from here.
Randomize
