you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
If this place produced love children they would be born wearing Lilly Pullitzer with raging coke addictions.
i walked in on him listening to enya, jacking off, and vomiting into a cup on his desk. are you serious.
I did the seizure Bad Romance dance again last night, didn't I?
you were really good actually. your skill is increasing over time
Definitely just put my car on cruise control so I could stick my head out of the sunroof while driving to taco bell.
I really want to lead this Amish guy into temptation
Please hurry up and come back. This is so awkward. He's showing me banana videos.
Looking through my moms phone and find a pic if a dick. Scarred for life.
How are you feeling?
I mean, shattered dignity aside, not bad.
You are not the cause of late onset lesbianism.
Almost lost a vagina lip in the great shave of '16
Woke up with a grilled cheese in my hand, it was like god giving me a high five for the night before
3 weeks in a row I've pulled '69' at the deli counter...God is giving me shit for not getting laid in a year....
I think I broke my dick but 10/10 would definitely do it again.
He was married to his college girlfriend for 20 years. Just give him the blow job he’s been fantasizing about since last century and he’ll be wrapped around your little finger
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