I scissor kicked a one legged man last night.
He was trying to put me in handcuffs.
You have my attention.
He can't get past my hymen. At least that's what he said it feels like.
people from other dorms came to marvel at the dump i took. i had a bio major take a picture.
When you're on the hood of a car, 10 mph feels pretty fucking fast.
He completely dissapeared at the baseball game. We found him passed out at the hotel three hours later with souviner photos of himself at the top of the Sears Tower.
Lube is flammable
Who is this??
He was trying to hotbox the banana suit. Of course we traded him for vodka.
You took it upon yourself to rid the world of them, and by that I mean you dressed up as Batman and started kicking them in the shins.
She leaned in close to me, made eye contact, and seriously whispered "I will eat your soul with bacon bits." I want whatever drug she was on.
He turned down head in favor of a handjob. Not sure if he's crazy or i have magic hands
I'm just to the point my give a fucks is so far in the red that I'm going to have to take out a 30yr loan of fucks to repay it
Well supposedly when the cops came, they say I tried to get them in a conga line like Jim Carrey in The Mask. So....yea
I'm not wearing pants, but I'm wearing a tiara.
How did your walk of shame include a trip to Walmart and how did you bump into the cop that arrested you last night there?
How do I say “I have great tits” without it sounding awful
Randomize
