maybe if you didn't yell 'buh duh duh da duh da dats all folks' when you came she wouldn't have left last night
I really hope your girlfriend didnt have your phone while i texted how much i loved doing it in HER car with you :x
Dont judge me. Him and his friends got me drunk for free, the least i could do was suck his dick
it was one of those movies netflix should have sent weed with
i just overheard someone saying that they invented the 'tequila mockingbird' last night. sorry, but i found better friends
I've come to realize sober is a rare time of the day.
Trying to convince myself that everyone keeps staring at me because I'm pretty and not because of my hickies.
Not only did I get beyond cray cray this weekend. My body has nursed itself to plentiful and impeccable health. Fuck you world, I am back.
That's what I love about being a lesbian. My roommate's boyfriend watched her finger me and then he made me pancakes in the morning. AND THEN HE LEFT.
When he was going down on me I referred to him as "Lord Snow" and HE GOT IT. HE GOT THE GAME OF THRONES REFERENCE. I AM IN LOVE
Currently at a bar observing the mating patterns of drunken people in their 60s. This is hilariously terrifying. Hope he has Viagra.
They said you went back in for 30 minutes and were walking with your arms out like an eagle soaring
Don't take a pillow from my bed. You don't know which ones of them my vagina has been on
It's obvious you're hotter. You've been doing a married guy for almost 2 years.
Wait... where the hell did you even find a live OCTOPUS, let alone green eggs and ham?
Randomize
