Facebook really needs to add a bikini picture profile tab for girls, it would really save me countless amounts of time!
I just found out that AAA will pick you up if you're drunk for free if you're a member. How did I not know about this?
been home a week and haven't blacked out yet. i miss college
sorry i was making out with matt didn't mean for it to sound like that. there was no tone
there should be a new saying, don't text and tongue
maybe you should do the old hyperventilate, take a shot of vodka, sniff someone's hair trick
Way to high for badminton right now. This is gonna be a shitshow.
That's cool. At least the punch line of my story isn't I shit in a booth at Denny's.
You kind of have a nervous, desperate thing going on that isn't exactly catnip for bitches
Well, I have a text in my phone that just says "Scrumtrelescent" from a girl I have in here as "Cheesy Tits", so you figure out how my night was going.
And after peeing my pants waiting outside for him, i proceeded to drop down and roll in the nearest puddle to pretend like i just ate shit when he arrived
you told me your favorite colors were "pink" "no pants" and "Mexican food"
You said "this is only my eighth drink" with like 6 separate drinks
How weird would it be to ask your bro to 3d print your dick for me
I don't trust him but hanging out with him might be fun
he's literally satan but yeah probably
uh why is my bathtub filled with kool aid? or is that blood?
Randomize
