dude your cousin who was wearing the skirt wasn't wearing any underwear
gross she's a slut
yea she doesn't shave either
I have a drunk 6th sense to lyrics of songs i dont know. It only works when i dance..
Oh. They ARE dating. Kinda sad. Have such an urge to be a huge bitch and steal him but my morality is in the way. FUCK YOU MORALITY.
Just transferred the sun chips from that obnoxious Eco-friendly bag into a zip lock. Fuck the environment, that bag is loud.
It's hard to believe so much cum came out of such a small penis.
She said we should all be mermaids since didn't breathe for 9 months inside our mothers. I want her logic.
I've got 2 dollars. How do I turn this into alcohol?
The owner of this phone is no longer accepting texts from liars, assholes or married men. You figure out which one applies.
The salesman at the smoke shop just told me my hair is glorious...
Sorry was covered in semen when you texted me. Just walking back from the Harvard Club
All you needed to say was one of those sentences and the other would've been implied.
I'm never going out with the ashleys again. it was whoreible. terrifyingly whoreible.
I wanna riverboat gamble on your vaginal waters. Just sayin
Must be why he thought choking was foreplay. Like WTF? No.
Make a note to pack something that won't catch shell casings in your cleavage
he asked if he should bring the trash can into the room.. apparently i shoved my finger all over his face and said.. shhhh dont talk... just take your pants off.
Randomize
