in my opinion joe jonas is kinda pointless. hes just the pretty boy front runner.
Wedding update: no alcohol, 75% of people have left, no one is dancing, no single groomsmen, and it's 5:30. I'm going the fuck home to drink by myself.
aparently i pased my english final. I don't even remember taking it.
I don't care if the man pisses on teenage girls, he's enchanting.
They turned the water off again. Brushed my teeth with whats left from those pitchers of mojitos. So hung over i dont even care.
Im drunk on a hayride surrounded by toddlers. they are judging me.
He says he invented a new sex move called The Redbird that we can only do when I'm on my period. Should I be concerned?
That was the night you tried to convince me you threw up your sould because your throwup was black
Sally, Your mom and my mom hooked up in college, we must uphold this tradition.
Saw your dad at the bar last night... And again this morning when he left. Told you not to mess with me bitch.
You know I was thinking and I've never seen a penis in a whirlpool before
One minute I'm going home the next I'm getting railed on the back 9.
You reached new levels of laziness. After we woke you up to take shots with us, you stayed in bed so you didn't have to move when you were drunk and sleepy
I'm classy like audry Hepburn. Chugging wine out of the bottle on the way to the club. Shed do that. I know she would.
First day of school is awesome. I get to meet my students and figure out which of their mothers I’ I’m going to bang
Randomize
