My whole home page is your drunken face booking, congrats.
I'm currently trying to figure out how I woke up naked and handcuffed to my bed. Not real worried about class right now.
My dinner guests were so drunk they never realized that I inadvertantly put Frosted Mini Wheats on the salad instead of crutons.
You missed out on a serious adventure. Cops were called. We put a chicken in someones house.
If she were to ever cheat on her husband, I'm positive I'm the the go to guy. Which flatters me and weirds me out at the same time.
just to let you know its hard to talk to your father while being fingered up against a car..
His morals are debatable, but his heart or perhaps his penis is in the right place.
His penis is crooked. Right place? Maybe he starts there, but then he slants.
I'm at some strange place in what feels like Mexico, high and getting tacos.
Again? Most people check out of hotels, they don't escape from them
I lost all of my bathing suit tops.. This is both a success and a failure
Her ex wouldn't stop texting her so she started replying with various pictures of Britney spears's breakdown
Sorry for the milk in the bathroom. I was washing mace out of the one security guys eyes
My mom just called hysterical. She and her sister found my dead grandma's vibrator.
The apple don't fall far from that tree.
His exact words: "I don't have anything you can't treat with antibiotics."
I think I'm taking after my dog, I just want to hump everything
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