btw, your gf is going to want to talk to you today...and consequently you're probably not going to want to talk to me...just a heads up
So I walked out of my room and there was my brother....standing naked
so after all day drinking, we went to an all u can eat crab place and i was going from table to table surveying the crowd if they though the crab i was carrying around looked like the flying dog from never ending story...what the hell is wrong with me?
my mom just wingman'd for me at a bar. i really don't know what else to say.
He tried to say "god bless your heart" to the stripper but it came out "god bless your pussy"
I left two hundred in singles in your car sorry about the mess
I just don't understand how a line to ride a camel on a college campus could be too long for you to wait in.
Well as our DD it was my responsibility to get us home safely. If that meant strapping you down to the backseat using all 3 seatbelts then so be it.
I apologize for violently hooking up with her in front of you in the jacuzzi last night.
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
I need to make a new year's resolution to only pee in toilets. And it needs to start happening before the new year.
Hahaha my philosophy professor just opened class with "I had a shitty weekend and I was at the bar until 815 this morning. So bear with me".
Need to spend sober time with him while fully clothed. I can't decide if he's a seriously amazing man or a complete fucking dickbag.
This is me not judging you for what a fine line you draw between the two.
Thinking about licking your asshole. And hugs and stuff too I guess.
I don't know. Seeing the vagina stretched out beyond normal proportions is like watching your favorite superhero die.
Randomize
