I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
Dude, I just scraped frozen vomit from my rooftop
I really wish I could say this is a new low for you
I come back into the room and you're grinding with the person in the mascot suit.
Well no need to be a stranger, even if you aren't interested in joining my bisexual polygamist marriage. New city, new friends.
My roommate made me a peanut butter and sprinkles sandwich. Maybe tonight isn't that bad
After a certain point, you just want to make it work. Prove to yourself that you're smarter than the vibrator.
You take your time. Wallowing in last nights filth is the best way to get over a hangover
someone to text and fuck? since when does that constitute a relationship?
since 2006
We got security called on us. Apparently the wedding down the street didn't appreciate the trespassing or our loud as fuck rendition of We Are Young.
I LOVE YOU SO MUCH I'M ON A WILD DICK CHASE FOR YOU. How many lesbians do YOU know that would do that? HOW MANY????
I just remember her dragging me inside in a panic saying we needed mentos and popcorn I have no fucking clue how we ended up asleep in her closet.
We'll just play it by vagina and see where it leads us
You know you had a good night when you wake up cuddling a baseball bat and a can of chicken noodle soup.
That's a really terrible idea.
Awesome I'm gonna do it then, thanks for the input
I need an outfit that says "thanks for hiring me" but also says "i want dick in my mouth".
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