After last night, I could never be a politician.
day 8: i just gave goat a piece of pineapple soaked in rum. as an animal science major, im ashamed. as a normal person, it was awesome.
This morning I proved to myself and all the kids on the playground that I can't puke and drive.
Made a visit to my old puking stall. I missed it.
By the way, thank you for feeding me fries when I was sitting on the floor.
Plus you know he's just 2 semesters and 4 glasses of wine away from "experimenting" with some French major
My ex just called and told me that he is on his way to the hospital because he popped a vein in his dick. Should I go to the ER with him or class?
I was carrying him baywatch style into my place because he passed out.
I am currently watching him baptize himself in a baby pool with a handle of belvedere while wearing a coral dress.
I want to have sex with him.
I had to sit there with his three fat aunts talking about a bunch of 50 Shades knockoff books.
I felt like a taxi, but my meter was running up minutes he would be eating me out that night.
I'm totally going to bang the cable guy tonight. I'm so pumped
So many people have told me I have great tits tonight, I'm unstoppable
Just motorboated this 18 year old girl at the bar. The first time was my idea the other 3 she made me. Maybe turning 27 won't be so bad. Haha.
My boss walked into my office and gave me a toothbrush and tips for dealing with sex hair. She knows what’s up
Side piece definitely knows about my GF. Said it was sexy when I go commando, then left me pantsless in the club bathroom
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