Let's make love on the newspapers that declare financial doomsday
VAGINAS EVERYWHERE
they're staring at me
She handed me her tooth and asked me to hold it so she could swim.
Seriously, I'm ready to settle for ugly and unemployed as long as he has decent hygene and likes to go down.
Based on the grey fur I pulled from my teeth, I think her vagina has mice.
Lets now bow our heads and think of girls with ex boyfriends who were great at fingering them. That's so sad.
Dear Jesus. Send me strength to not suck cock this morning.
So you're saying you don't want to be with her anymore because she likes sex to much and is just to hot?
Well when you say it that way it makes me sound like an idiot.
You are an idiot.
Just got offered cocaine at ihop. Stay classy America.
all im saying is 27 is too old to still be drinking 40s, you make more money than me, buy some decent shit
screw you you golddigging beer snob
I'm high on the exercise bike at the gym. I feel like Lance Armstrong
I don't know what she did to me last night, but the scratches on my back indicate that I had sex with a Bengal tiger last night.
I did not marry a roomba.
Liz Cheney wasn’t exactly on my list of women I expected to be saying “YAS QUEEN” for in 2021 but here we are
Let me call you later. I’m lining up some office dick now that working at home is ending
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