i can't believe i had my finger in that
is it bad that i regret hanging out with a girl tonight because that means i have less time to sit on youtube watching xmen cartoons?
On the bright side, at least we arent the generation raised by fucked up teen moms.
She was mad I came so fast. I was like, It's the Olympics! Fastest time wins! We can train you in the offseason.
well i mean she can't stop a weed based friendship...its like a trying to stop a bomb or a really fast train...
I taped a pair of scissors and a coupon for a waxing on the door. He gets to choose.
Dude that chick had a dog in her car. Like when she goes bar hoping so does roofus. He gaurds the car.
THANK YOU for not letting me make out with that girl omfg I was one step away from a foursome in the handicapped stall
Did you feel uncomfortable?
For a little while. Then I got really high and ate a bunch of animal crackers out of some dudes pocket while we chilled on their super comfortable couch.
I cried while dry heaving in the back of the car to the New York song with jay z in it. I was singing it inbetween gags.
I'm trying to get weird tonight. Like I want to see bitches crawling on all fours drinking milk from bowls and shit by 5 am. You down?
I DO have hobbies! I drink. I drink more. I catfish men on Grindr with photos of guys who are less attractive than me. I listen to Lovecraftian podcasts. I'm very well-rounded.
Dude. I’m playing chess through iMessage with a stripper. What has my life become.
Just got an email from match.com trying to match me with My ex..I nearly pissed myself laughing
We had a pink drink in honor of my underwear and apparently I made out with our bartender... a few times
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