Now it won't go down.
You've got a gift.
you guys were way drunker than both of me
Considering last night's endeavors, I am going to hell 5 times over. 1 for puking on a hobo, 1 for laughing about it, and 3 for remembering it today and laughing about it sober
We have nothing in common but the sex rocks, would it be awful to develop a drug habit just to have a topic of conversation?
My mother's day gift to my mother is to promise never to tell her 95% of the stories I've accumulated in my life.
Yea my vagina was pretty pissed at me for not taking advantage of the situation...
What do you wear to apply at a strip club?
After they flagged you, you hid in a bathroom stall and text me to bring you more shots. That kind of drunk.
My team for a project is gonna have weekly meetings at a bar. yessss. they will do all the work while i thor hammer down beers.
Just make it a game! Like 20 questions STD style.
You suck at answering, but you did manage to avoid a fun conversation about hemorrhoids. So maybe you're great at answering.
Never thought I'd say this, but getting head from a skeleton was better than I thought. Happy Halloween
I just watched my ex butt chug a quart of eggnog. Why did I dump her again?
I'm sorry I was just sleeping on the kitchen floor I'm too dead to think
There I was, puking into the toilet, and he was rubbing my feet, buck naked. I feel like a drunk Disney princess.
Randomize
