the guy working at the drive-thru just asked me if i wanna bang after he gets off work tonight.
given your current drought situation, im genuinely curious to know what your answer was
i told him maybe and gave him my number. sad? probably. but even if the sex is bad maybe i'll get a free burger out of it
We couldn't find any ping pong balls, so we used a fishing bobber. Could we be more country?
She asked me how I live with myself. I told her one night at a time.
Apple Jack is not a good idea for breakfast. Whiskey can't replace milk.
He called himself excalibur. Thats all I remember.
I took your mattress from your bed. Don't ask questions. Love you. See ya later.
You're a waste of cheezeits
I just wish I had a snapshot of his attempted front flip off the bar. There are some things that are worth getting a life ban for, and the moment of impact with his foot and that lady's face was one of those things.
I rather not break my neck. It's hard to look sexy with a neck cast.
Damn it. Can't order pizza. Can't do the hot tub. No one to invite over for loud, kinky sex. What's the point of being here alone?!
Welcome to my Tuesday when my lesbian ex girlfriend shows up unexpectedly and gets me drunk and then leaves
He fucked me so well and hard that the couch slid into the Christmas tree. I had to pull branches out of my hair.
the bouncer just handed me a Starbucks bag of pound cake
Was I trying to make a threesome happen again?!
Yep
I need to stop doing that, Im gonna get punched in the face
All I have in my purse is 10 cents and a plastic ducky.\nI can't explain last night.
Randomize
