It was like a secret agent hookup. No names, swift execution, get in- get out.
The doctor put me on 3000 mg of amoxicillin a day. Which, for a sinus infection, seems pretty excessive to me.
Maybe he was just trying to knock out any potential ghonorrhea you might be carrying around.
Ah, my reputation precedes me.
His threats seemed pretty legit for a 6 year old
I woke up with a new Tiffanys necklace on. I'm such a classy drunk.
The guy in the next stall screamed courtesy flush and then puked. Bless you Vegas
The Ex's are trying to talk to the GF. Game face bro.
He needs to stop telling me how much he respects me. What does that even mean
I just baptized the girl next to me. LONG LIVE THE CHURCH OF VODKA
He's not messing around tonight. 4 fist pumps.
All his ex-girlfriends are delicate flowers, tho. And I'm like a trash compactor.
I wouldn't worry about it. You know what they say, THICK THIGHS MAKE THE DICK RISE.
Potholders are an underrated garment. Especially naked.
i don't know what happened one minute im stumbling home drunk and the next im drinking pabst and smoking with a french guy ive never met named hugo.
Why in the hell is there a guy dressed up as a horse passed out in our kitchen.
happy birthday!
we bonded over knowing every word to freaky gurl by gucci mane so it’s kinda starting to make sense why I gave him head in his cul de sac
EMERGENCY SUBJECT CHANGE. SHE DOESN'T KNOW.
Randomize
