who the fuck tagged pancake nipples on my profile picture?
it was a sick party until you insisted on putting on "that's how I beat shaq"
Just wanted to let you know that I always win at "whose ex is crazier" because of you.
Just passed on a threesome. I'm too old for that kind of morning after.
She started crying while we were cooking shrimp because 'Under the Sea" came on Pandora
Dude I need help. What word is complimentary, but sounds like "chunky"?
she chased the tour bus screaming I BET YOUR DICK IS THE SIZE OF YOUR MICROPHONE STAND. i think its safe to say were never getting vip passes again.
you were just eating all his cookies and kept mumbling "them crumblies" when the crumbs got on your shirt.
That's what you said about that spiderman stripper, but look how that turned out
Dude imagine how many pictures of dicks Obama gets. That can't be unusual. Almost every kids in the US has written the president a letter.
I got a blowjob dressed with a t shirt sweatpants and a Fanny pack. Not kidding.
Nothing like coaching 5 year olds with a bunch of visible bruises from last night's drunk bondage sex.
Netflix, eggnog, and bed? Maybe some hand stuff?
whatever. i don't need to be drunk to tell you i'd suck your dick if you had one.
YOUUUU FUCKING FURRYYYY
I DIDN'T COME HERE TO BE SLANDERED LIKE THIS
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