You had a beer at 10:30 this morning?
Ya, I didn't have any Tylenol.
i have a $600 bill for my ER visit in which they did nothing but suggest to me that i am an alcoholic.
Oh my god. He likes it up the butt. But loves womanly support. Omg. Its bad. Its bad. Ive had too much whiskey for this to be ANYthing except bad.
Kurt said to text you and encourage you to come out tonight. Encourage you with my rack.
spending today hungover and untagging myself from all the pictures of me kissing girls so grandma doesnt have a heart attack. how was your new years?
okay the fridge is completely filled only with alcohol. Not even exaggerating. There is no food.
Sometimes I wonder if we're going to make it to 40.
I have a big to do list for you. Number 1 - me. Number 2 - drink wine 3. Talk my ears off. 4. Me again
We're going to work out tomorrow I guess but it usually consists of doing weights for 10 minutes, then saying fuck cardio and going to Taco Tuesday
That was the night you tried to convince me you threw up your sould because your throwup was black
my throat is bruised, my back is scarred, my vagina feels like it's going to fall off.. you're like godzilla. you destroy everything.
Would you like to get an apartment bong? It can be like our pet and we can give it a name.
I may or may not have hooked up with the cop who arrested me.. Or I can cross hooking up with a stripper in a cop outfit off my bucket list.
MY LIFE IS HARD OK. I HAVE TO WAKE UP AT LIKE 10 OR 11 AFTER SMOKIG POT AND PLAYING FALLOUT UNTIL 3
It's one am and you're asking me if you should buy a plane ticket for a booty call.
home. only unpacked the necessities...contact case and beer.
Randomize
