I came downstairs to find I had missed the 3some on my kitchen floor but not the pukefest or ER trip after it. This is what happens when the voice of reason is otherwise occupied
well isn't that the pot calling the kettle a make out whore
I feel like my vagina stays drunk longer than the rest of me. It's always super sensitive and hungry the day after drinking.
All I kmoe is rheres a coffee pot full pf vodka in my purse
get over here soon, theyre throwing bbeers at us from the roof. keyword : throwing
She cheated on me with the same state trooper that wrote me a ticket.
I guess now you have a way to keep your license when you bring that up in court.
Dude, you are the most awesome.
Please high five our old drug dealer for me please.
Can I bring home a duck? Dead serious
her tits were more amazing then brown bears with armor and guns that fire bullets of Justice that destroys inequality.
You went in the back with her.. And honestly I couldn't tell her neck from her tits man..
my vagina is like this close to growling at me and leading me onto the nearest dance floor
make it buy you a drink first
I'm facebook/twitter stalking the guy I just slept with as he's passed out next to me. What a time to be alive...
Oh by "being festive" I mean make tacos for dinner.
just saw a kid get pissed on buy a tiger at the zoo. His dad is rofling and the kid is crying. I think I have to go make a new friend
I’m getting reeeeaaalll tired of telling cute boys I gave them chlamydia.
That’s two in three months. You really know how to live.
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