it's too hot outside to masturbate.
Only now do I see "not intended for use on skin" warning. Wonderful. But hey, my dick smells like magic marker.
You've eaten a Lean Pocket for every meal for at LEAST 3 days now. Get your life in line.
Thanks in advance for a great weekend. Sorry your roommates are going to hate you after I leave. They need to loosen up anyways.
I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser.
Apparently it's ok to apply for building permits drunk. I feel like there definitely is a law preventing that.
A kid in my class today just asked if we have class on the 17th, then announced that he couldn't go anyways because it was the day after his 21 and he was going to be too hungover
There something about a girl that pirates lemonade off a restaurant fountain as a mixer that I find intriguing.
He ran over from the bar to give me more singles because the stripper was doing gymnastics on me. He is a really great friend, just probably not the best boyfriend.
To confirm, you are a grown ass man and you just asked me what her vag looked like.
So I've reached a new low. After completing my walk of shame and being told "see you around", I took off my heels to discover he had came in my shoe.
seriously considering getting an electric blanket rather than sleeping with guys this winter for warmth.
What is it in my brain that makes me look at a penis and think "that belongs in my mouth"?
I can't wait to see you again. It will be like when we first started dating- but with less clothes.
Dude I love you. So much. Thank u. I'm safea. In allysi lns car. Mine towed. If u loved me ud leand me 500 in the morning. Sleep on it nd let me know.
Randomize