is it true that cum stays in you for 7 years?
that's gum
After a valiant attempt at golf, I think it's time for Tiger to go back to doing what he does best- having sex w/ blond, white women.
I swear if his heart was half the size of the cum stains he's left on my sheets we would have the perfect relationship
Using what I learned in my global terrorism class last semester to sneak booze onto my cruise. thanks college.
he locked me out then poked me with a fork when i tried to get in through the window
I'm trying to find candidates for my winter break hook up. I'm going to hold auditions thanksgiving break.
I.V.'s should just be available for purchase at Walmart. God I'm dehydrated.
A girl just asked me if we had pregnancy tests and a coworker had to stop me from telling her I was a pregnancy test. THAT is why I don't drink at work.
I mean.. listen to "Put It In My Mouth" and you'll get the gist of my voicemail for you.
I don't think you understand what laundry day means. I am wearing a swimsuit as underwear and my spanish club tshirt from junior high
My wife climbed on top of me, fucked my brains out, and gave me money from the ATM. I'm living the dream.
He started yelling "you tha man!" while I was reverse cowgirl
Well, I have no idea where my underwear is, so yea I would say it was a good weekend.
Come over here. Bongs and porn. I found the promised land
Idk I just think that seeing that man's Twitter always resulting in me looking for the whiskey is a bad sign
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