She was not exactly lady-like. Down there.
This is so stupid. Now I have to call the party planner and tell her that the break up party is off. They decided to get back together.
He was able to grab love handles during doggy style... I know we said spring break mexico diet starts next week but i think we need to start tomorrow.
we had a ceremony where you passed your fake id onto me in the middle of the bar. i was on my knees and you presented it to me. i don't think the bartenders were suspicious though
I will suppress my appetite by doing shots then passing out
i think the title to my autobiography shall be, "a bottle of vodka and various pieces of meat"
and this is why you're my favorite gay friend.
how did operation slutty penguin go?
pretty epic. there was a guy who was also dressed as a penguin. i asked him if he would keep my eggs warm while i went fishing for the winter
my vagina hasn't met your boyfriend yet ... makes me sad
I really have a thing for Greek chicks; I feel like while we are having sex she has the ability to make hummus which is just too appealing for me to pass up.
I really shouldn't have to tell you to stop banging your lightsaber on everything while we are in college.
Sorry that I got drunk and refused to let you buy me pizza. I'm a monster and I understand if you hate me forever
I didn't want dick. I wanted spaghetti.
There is eyeliner on my toilet. Vodka and I have a love hate relationship.
The neighbors in the apartment above us are at it again. The roleplay this time is cop and prostitute. I give it 30 minutes, you? Already sounds better than the last one
He dicked me, fed me creme brulee, and didn’t make a big deal out of me causing a flood to come outta my vagina
Marry him NOW
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