She left me with blue balls so I jerked off on her french toast in the morning.
Thats my favorite, when ex girlfriends become XL ex girlfriends
why is my clorox wipe dispenser full of tortillas?
what kind of wine goes with anal sex and shame?
I was officially considered the drunkest person in cuba when the bartender at the swim up bar made me wear a life jacket for 'safety purposes'
Life lesson today, a six foot hot guy I meet at a party CANNOT fit on my bike with me.
wearing my roomate's scarf as a dress...halloween 2011 ladies and gentlemen
Finding out he was uncircumcised by feeling his foreskin in my mouth was NOT ideal. New rule. Lights ALWAYS on.
It was awk he was sittin on a plastic backyard chair in his underwear and high white socks in the dark watching the nuggets game
of course we called 911. an innocent mans booze was at steak
It's really hard to masturbate now that I live with girls who actually function before 11 am.
Is it a bad thing for a seven year old to call one an alcoholic? Asking for a friend..
When the bouncer wouldn't let you back in you screamed "Authority is not given you to deny the return of the king!" and ran past him.
I didn’t not spend thanksgiving morning making out with him in a diner parking lot
Im glad your laughing because im currently convincing my penis you didnt mean it and its all gunna be ok.
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