I don't know where I am, but I'm drinkin & I like these people
New rule: no balls on the kitchen counter.
my credit card is covered in vodka and bad memories
I thought we agreed, no more super glueing action figures to my dick
I can't. I can't get out. He cooked me food. And made me jager bombs. And painted a glow in the dark smilie face on my boobs
I found her in the trunk, smoking a cigarette, saying every girl should know how to get out of their trunk
Never backflip into an above ground pool. I think the gash will be smaller by Monday though.
How am I so hungover that wearing sunglasses hurts my head?
That's the kind of activity you can only get away with by wearing a lion codpiece
Not really how I planned to achieve immortality, but I'll take it.
Fucking suck it up and drink your feelings like a normal human being.
Chili is not acceptable fuck buddy food.
She made me keep my boots on and say "you're welcome darlin" after every orgasm......so yes it was an awesome night.
kick those bitches in the teeth and tell them mama came to party
Tomorrow's lesson plan is going to be on hangovers and why drinking during the week is never a good idea. I hope my boss approves.
Randomize
