Well I thought I'd be nice but yeah I'm not a fan of you either you're an arrogant stupid cocky unfunny loser. Don't talk to me you're crazy
Is it bad to mix sunny d with vodka if i dont have any real OJ?
I've mixd ketchup with vodka before and called it a bloody mary, so, no.
I woke up to blood crusted on my face. I don't understand
team rage. no explanation necessary
They drank shots out of my cleavage. Surprisingly, the one who did the best was a gay guy.
I've said it before and I'll say it again: your tits are a danger to gay men everywhere.
Just made a PowerPoint called "Reasons Why You Should Fuck Me" at his request. The sad thing is we've had sex before...
Sit down my child. It's time you were told of my famous loss-of-virginity story entitled, "The Penis that Never Could."
I put you to bed and you would not go unless I let you sleep with the vodka
I really couldn't care less what she looks like. That's why The Lord Our God gave us doggy-style.
Waking up in a NH rest stop and reading through my texts is definitely a familiar low
Haha ohman remember when I peed in your blender? Gotta love college.
YOU DID WHAT???
He said he discovered the mysteries of the universe inside an orange... I want whatever he was on.
You opened the door to your apartment and shrieked "THE CHAIR IS GONE!" then punted a bag of votive candles
Mom is talking about dicks with her friends in the living room. I am 5 seconds away from scaling the bathroom window out of here.
He lit a shoe on fire and tried putting it out by peeing on it
I texted him: “Come over for the Super Bowl. I promise lots of scoring.”
My divorce is turning into a porn script
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