it was the least impressive dick i've ever seen... and i've changed babies' diapers.
She washed lettuce and peppers in the shower and proceeded to make a salad
My walk of shame got a new perspective when I walked into his livingroom and found his roommate fucking some chick on the coffee table.
It took him three days to realize his roommate had moved out.
I'm currently trying to decide if crown or wild turkey will hurt worse coming back out through my nose later.
Its like the two hemispheres of my brain are in a death match but are two evenly matched for either side to win kinda drunk.
I need a therapist, but moreover we are going to be really drunk.
We had a weird moment. Mid-sex he started talking. It went along the lines of "I. FUCKING. LOVE.....this condom..."
All you have to do is speak. Your voice reverberates strait to my vagina.
Well would you like to come over anyway? I will be wearing sweatpants and disappointment. Also, I have Jack Daniels and I've managed to get drunk in under half an hour. But my boobs look awesome.
Then that is decided. Fuck away my little bunny rabbit.
He called some chick he used to fuck for cash to get food delivered to cheer me up
I just gargled with NyQuil
Drank vodka clubs for 6 hours last night. Holy shit just realized that.
I'm not saying it wasn't great. I'm just saying sleeping with a gassy, depressed,45 year old mother was a different experience. Would do it again though.
Randomize
