he was on top of me and all of a sudden stopped and starting picking his nose...i asked him if he was okay, he sort of looked confused, and he told me he had a booger that hurt. guess its a good thing i wasnt planning on dating this guy
when your english prof writes "this was a real good paper" on your essay, you know you're at the wrong college
i have a dinosaur tramp stamp
I just want him to slap me with his dick and call it love
Still had my bottle opener ring on. Started to give him a hand job. LOL
Well I knew we were drunk when I told you it was a good idea to shit in the ocean
You're the only true friend I have, if true friendship is based off who would be there for me at 4am during a boxed wine crisis.
Whatever. I just smoked another bowl so I don't care and wow I just noticed how fast my thumb moves when I text. I'm amazing.
At least your night didn't end with three cops seeing your ass and you sitting on the ground in a wig throwing your shoes at people
He just kept repeating "not with an octopus" over and over for hours. Soooooo Porn Dare was a succes.
Come to the roof. We are drinking breakfast.
WHY AM I CRAWLING IN OLDER MEN HOLY JESUS
Well I woke up and my arm was bleeding. And my blood is on the wall in the hallway.
Umm
No idea. I blame fireball.
Valid.
Googled 'how drunk am I' and it was NOT helpful
The gyno waiting room is so strange because the pregnant woman next to me is making a PowerPoint of her pregnant photo shoot with her husband and I’m sitting here trying to figure out from Instagram who I had sex with on Sunday lol
Randomize
