Women are like Alzheimers patiens. You can compliment them a million times in a day, but the next day is always a wash, you have to start all over.
i dedicated my morning wood to you.
never thought i'd see a ''climb of shame'' until she came down from the attic in front of the whole party..
They have beer in plastic boots. How am I supposed to resist that?
we took shots then she made me eat a dill pickle with cream cheese wrapped in a piece of turkey.
So what's the verdict on pumpkin smoothies with vodka? I puked.
She said just put your tongue in there and don't linger. I have other things to do.
I got to masturbate in Rome in a gorgeous hotel room. Don't try and tell me I need a boyfriend
I don't �care how much you're grieving �a loss, masturbating off the side of a roof is not acceptable mourning behavior.�
You took off all your clothes to try on her fur coat and then punched me when I said you couldn't wear it to bed.
I'm gonna face reality, tomorrow morning is not on my hungover agenda.
Neither a grow-er nor a show-er. More like a no-er. If he didn't have testicles, I'm not sure you could tell he was a male, even standing there naked. There will be no second date.
It's like if you wanna bond just do a ropes course or have group sex you don't have to be weird about it
my hair smells like a mixture of fireworks and rotten eggs with a hint of shame. it's so strong it's keeping me awake.
So um... You probably shouldn't post that picture of me and your crotch just because that's a new level of raunchiness that I'm not willing to accept yet
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