Some man just said he would jack off to my hair color.
You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
i kept drunkenly begging people i met to be in my facebook mafia
Mid thrust he tells me that we have bio together
Last night when I was hammered I set a reminder to tell you that your boobs are my favorite ones in the world, so this is me giving you that message.
I wonder what it would be like to go to the dry cleaners and not have to inform them that all my clothes are stained with booze.
consequently i now know what mace tastes like
i gave him a hand job with one hand and held the 40 with the other. this is like freshman year all over again.
I'm one ex away from doing an entire victory lap of all of the guys I've hooked up with since second semester of freshman year. Single me is scary.
I should know better than to trust a man I've seen cry on multiple occasions to give me accurate sports information.
Dude... You called me at 3am to tell me you still had your pants.
When someone's woman crush wednesday is an ultrasound of her unborn daughter...
I can't
Had to take him to the ER for not only alcohol poisoning but for stepping on a firecracker. Happy 4th holy fuck
i was sitting on the kitchen floor shaking my gallon of vodka at people and asking if they wanted to climb the heaven hill... getting dumped is the best thing that has ever happend to me
woke up between a girl's legs. make your own conclusion.
Randomize
