Saw a dead body on the way to the casino. I think that's a good sign.
I tried to tell him it was only 2:00, but he said since it was 5:00 in New York, it was perfectly acceptable. He then put on a Blues Brothers hat and a pair of wayfarers and left. I expect him home in a few hours with a police escort.
The best part was that when i tried to chase her she ran off in one of those barbie motorized jeeps that little kids use and i chased her on a big wheel, thru lincoln terrace
you walked into the kitchen holding the skyy bottle and asked us "how do i warm this?"
she wants me to meet her parents and she hasn't even met my penis yet.
All he did was lie there and used his hands to keep pace. He was like the metronome of sex.
I found her sitting in the shower having an argument with the dolphins on the shower curtain.
The vomit I understand but how is there seaweed in my bed?
i have now been nicknamed the screamer on the first, third, fourth, & six floor by all the ra's. only two more floors to go before i cover the entire dorm.
Dude he's your dog he doesn't love me more than you. I'm just like that cool uncle that takes him to burger king and to see girls.
You keep saying things....but all I'm hearing is kegs
Poking every semi-decent guy on Facebook in the hopes that one of them will want to hook up with me tonight. So far all i've accomplished is 5 new poke wars which i will most certainly continue after this weekend.
His legs actually look hot in that dress. He might even make a better girl than Josh
Why did you just send me a picture of your dinner?
CAUSE LOOK HOW MUCH SPAGHETTI I'M EATING
I'm not wearing pants, but I'm wearing a tiara.
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