found the other keg... it's in the tree
I'd give my left nut to see you
don't do that. I like the set
Her facebook status is 'PERCS ON DECKKK~' which is probably why she still lives with her parents.
the only human I can compare her to is rosie o'donnell.
They gave me a glowstick necklace to wear so they could locate me if I wandered off into the woods
They called it unicorn pee, and i thought that was interesting so i drank it. Please don't let me drink strangers booze again.
He walks in. We each have a tiki torch. We say, the tribe has spoken. We put his out and then stab him with it.
My roommate was tripping balls last night, he kept me up all fucking night
Roommate? Please tell me you're not calling your cat your roommate
First time for everything: started posting a Facebook comment, decided I'm not quite sober enough. Progress.
He's 30 years old and woke me up for a hand job. Last time I go home with someone I met through Tinder.
I woke up in a cornfield to shouting, a bottle of Jim Beam, and a bunch of mc muffins. If this doesn't scream Illinois, idk what does.
Sorry, was sleeping. I heard a rumor that I had a hangover, so I just went with it...
It's not even 8pm on a Friday and I've already got a guy to tell me how big his penis is. Watched anything good on Netflix lately?
she wants homewrecking advice
are you gonna teach her your ways?
obvs. i'm like her yoda.
i shit you not. the flight is delayed because they have to change fucking light bulb. all the airport bars are closed and my shit is in checked luggage.
Randomize
