Seriously. Destroy her vagina. Do it like an angry baboon mating with a gentle manatee.
Anyone ask you how much a bj cost yet? That shirt is so whorish
Instead of a promise ring i got my clit peirced, its a promise that ill always give you ass! =]
Drunken horseback riding is the absolute worst decision i've ever made in my life.
So at what point while he was throwing up on the girl next to him did you think "yeah, im going to hit that"
Just got blown on the bus in front of abot 20 ppl. Lots of high fives.
Not even close. I woke up in the bed of Codys truck. Wrapped up in a sleeping bed, using a stuffed alligator as a pillow. And Alex was laying naked beside me. Not to mention I wasn't wearing the clothes I got there in.
he just came in and straightened the chair and left again
Just got home and found him passed out with his ass stuck in a Rubbermaid garbage can. He must have been like that for a few hours
New low: falling asleep with my face in the toilet only to be awoken when my hand slid down and touched the water. It's moments like these I wish I could forget.
By the way if you come home and I'm not wearing pants, just go with it. I didn't have the energy to go searching for some.
When you finally get laid, I shall make you a trophy out of dildos
The only person more miserably hungover from the party is the dog, and that's because he ate some balloons
"I licked someones beard, because I can."
No no. Thank you. Killed multiple birds with one penis.
Randomize
