He is such a gentleman, he paid for my plan b
im giving 12 year olds life advice. this is probably illegal somewhere.
you were just eating all his cookies and kept mumbling "them crumblies" when the crumbs got on your shirt.
I wish I could go back in time 3 years and tell my freshman self how easy it is to hook up with freshmen
I brought him to this party even though we're not together anymore because we made a bet on who would have sex first, and it is a sausage fest up in here.
He ate me out on the balcony. My asian neighbors cats are judging me...ALL 3 OF THEM!!
it would be a downgrade if your vagina tasted like skittles
Hey, I'm making progress. I haven't thrown up in a bar while wearing a sweater vest in almost two months.
A guy with a mustache poured a beer down your throat while you had a crippled boy named Sunshine riding your back
Who's the captain of your team? Captain Morgan as usual?
And me
if happy hour never ends, you’ll never have to eat kale
I thought I'd never say this, but if I had to choose between these cookies and sex, it would be these cookies
I'm a fuck boy trapped in a single mom's body.
You smoked too much and passed out, didn't you?
You know me so well.
Now the fun stuff starts.
Someone is losing a finger.
Randomize
