You dirty dirty liar I like the way you twitter
So, we're going at it on the sink when a German kid walks in and starts brushing his teeth. I love hostel sex.
I lost count after the 4th body shot but I think I'm wearing at least 3 different peoples clothes.
you covered his dog in toothpaste. safe to say hes not gonna call you.
I blew him and did charles barkley impressions at the same time. what a pro
No, she isn't nearly as crazy as the girl who wanted to wear a vial of my semen as a necklace.
This guy keeps going off in the metal detector. When is it appropriate for me to punch him in the throat just in case?
What kind of life do I lead that no one is surprised by the fact that I was watching porn at work with the hot 37 year old?
The porch is breathing.
STAY OUT OF MY SHROOMS YOU CUNT
I know you're having some issues right now but can we focus on the gangbang?
i woke up to a text from someone I put in my phone last night as "Giant Penis"
what did G.P. say?
oddly enough it was a dick pic
Look, road flare archery was agreed on. We both accepted it was a shit idea sober, but did it drunk anyway.
I JUST NEEDED TO TELL YOU I JUST FUCKED TWO BOYS IN THE SPAN OF LIKE THREE HOURS AND ONE OF THEM WAS MY SISTERS PROM DATE FROM HIGH SCHOOL IM LOWKEY BOTH PROUD AND ASHAMED
I'm sorry I missed your birthday brunch. If it makes you feel any better I woke up wearing someone else's toga and a sombrero
Come over here. Bongs and porn. I found the promised land
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