You know the commpass Jack Sparrow has? The one that just points at whatever you want? Thas pretty much my moral compass.
Myspace is for pedophiles and tweakers in the 818 trying to hook up. I always forget theres music there too
Omg. Budweiser tramp-stamp sighting @ Wal-mart. Best tattoo EVAR.
Surefire way to sober up: discover that your car is being towed at 2 am.
I just had a flash of me drinking straight vodka out of a condom...
Well for starters, her tits were hairy.
Can we please get through at least one night out when you DON'T threaten to have sex with one of my parents?!?!
I consider myself to be an upstream bisexual
You're the salmon of the gays...
Megan brought her friend up last night, greeted her by drunkedly taking a piss all over her duffle bag of clothing
He let me finish eating my sandwich while I sat his face. I think I'm in love with this little eager beaver.
As long as you don't want to make a shrine out of my eyelashes It's all good
we're drinking bellinis i mean god's titty nectar
I'm more worried that you thought licking a pole on Bourbon street would turn me on
you know it was a successful halloween when you wake up and have a firecracker in your tits
This was the fourth year in a row I got arrested at Pride. Pretty sure that qualifies me as a legend.
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