your head's too prwtty to be stuck in the books
I cant believe that bitch gave me herpes. she said those bumps were just a part of the natural landscape
wait, did she really refer to her vagina as a landscape?
why are you more concerned about her word choice than the fact that I HAVE FUCKING HERPES
Well I don't think you could recreate that hangover if you tried. It was like the perfect storm of hangovers.
they started playing Don't Stop Believin' and you had a melt down because it wasnt the Glee version
We had sex in the ocean but the tide took our clothes away too. Its no fun walking back to the dorm wearing only a beach blanket between you.
Im eating the cereal I found in my pocket and drinking wine out of the bottle.
I remember pointing out how smooth my legs were to try to direct his attention away from my vagina.
Operation liquormelon is in full effect. We may die tonight.
She shouted out halfway through "that costume does nothing to hide your cock". Last time we let her drink at the theatre.
just made one giant jello shot... if i have to study on a saturday night, i'm gonna do it as drunk as possible
I apparently started to text you last night. All it said was 'the whole clam'. I hope that means something to you.
its kind of scaring me that i am turned on by tom cruise in rock of ages
So glad the long weekend is over so I can bring this bender to a merciful end.
That was before I lit my hair on fire
I lysoled the money\n(631): wrong text lmao
Randomize
