We're 3 acts into this drag show and we've already run out of Lady Gaga songs.
holy crap !! There is a MIDGET FAMILY in one of my rooms today !
How much trouble would you get into if you were to stomp down the hallway while loudly saying 'Fe Fi Fo Fum...'
woke up this morning with pubes superglued to my face, not my pubes
I don't know which is a more impressive stolen object. The couch from a sheer logistical viewpoint, or the parking meter because i'm pretty sure that's a federal offence.
Drunk versus high capture the flag: what team is everybody gonna be on?
We literaly had to peel your fingers off the jose cuervo bottle and lock it in someones room
First Thanksgiving as a grown up: My step dad had to take my brother (who still smells like booze) and I both to our cars this morning, apparently we were at the same bars (same stamps), & I think I broke my elbow. Im thankful to be alive & not incarcerated.
I found him in bed on a pullout couch with another dude. He had two empty puke buckets and his empty bottle of jagermeister right by his head.
I'm laying in bed with a case of beer,.. That's how this break up is going..
the intervention consisted of my aunt taking me to chuck-e-cheezs and telling me that this was my future - either as a mom or as a waitress - unless i stopped fucking around.
did she buy you pizza?
So I'm at that stage in my life where I am stalking my stalker just to get laid
I can officially say I had a blunt rolled on my ass
I am the girl who goes to bed with her make-up on so that she doesn't have to fully redo it in the morning. I am obviously not ready to be a mother.
How does that even work?
I fucking hate tequila. Tequila makes me hate pants.
I spent a good part of the night in a bear hat claiming I'd changed spieces
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