Just spent the rest of my time at that bar trying to keep a probs underage closet gay from touching my kitten to prove he still likes girls.
Theyre still fighting about whether its called america or the united states.
Should I feel badly because I just bought a really hot pregnant girl a drink after I lit her cigarette?
then she made me sanitize my hands before fingering her...i may have found my soulmate
Of course she's mad at you. You Kanye Wested a picture of her catching snowflakes in her mouth. "imma let you finish but..." was the shaft and you put two of Kanye West's heads for the balls.
she insisted i was the anonymous guy on formspring that kept asking to bang her
Clearly I went along with it
super high. so of course there was a shoot out at the bank. there are 20 cop cars no lie. if i make it out of this i will never smoke again
Gave a homeless guy 3 bucks earlier. Just saw him at the bar. He bought one beer and left. Happy to see my 3 dollars was well spent
Idk wtf I would do on a date. I thought wed passed that stage at least for a while. Nowadays dates should consist of blackouts and shameful mistakes.
I can't wait for the day Google doesn't remind me that I got arrested for having 3 shots called 'frog cum' lined up in front of me.
Just had my butthole waxed. If that changes your plans for Saturday..
Pretty sure I got at least one girl to question her sexuality at the Christmas party last night
My dad is clearly baked off his ass. He almost sat on moms cat in front of her, zoned out while staring at it and said he wondered what it was thinking about. Now he's dragging everything from the livingroom into the garage. Moms not happy.
I'm like a bad decision making factory. I need to sit down and have a chat with my decision making elves.
Nothing like an afternoon walk of shame across campus on parent's weekend. Damn.
Randomize