I may or may not be laying in bed naked watching The Nanny. Niles is so spunky.
that was the first time i tried it. why is it all sticky? its like somebody threw a glue bottle at my face.
Fell off bed. Face first. 10 stitches. huge scar on forehead. totally going to start telling ppl my parents died fighting Voldemort.
Do you think the guy at the front desk was watching us last night? Although we were in a public pool, therefore our tits were free game.
some crying dude holding an empty fifth of burnetts just showed up at our door and asked 'do i live here?'
I bought a sword. Make the proper arrangements.
BoomCity!!!
You don't have to text me that every time you have sex. I already heard you ring the gong.
she's a nursing student, i didn't think vomit would freak her out so much
you puked ON HER
We could put on there: "Drink jager bombs and do stupid shit faster, with more energy!"
I wonder how many people I can tell that he has one nut before he finds out it's me spreading it.
We had sex while watching the republican debate. I'm not sure how he maintained an erection watching Donald Trump speak.
you hit your head on the sneeze guard and passed out at Pizza Hut they called the police
5 seconds ago I had no idea that a fart could travel so fastly thru the tanning bed. I taste it in the back of my neck.
How was that girls surprise party last night?
Got absolutely destroyed tried to put somebody's leather jacket on and make out with their mother. You know.. the norm
Don't care if they even pay me; I lifeguard for the fringe benefits -- free tourist vagina in the Hilton jacuzzi every single night
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