I wish i could sleep and get drunk at the same time...those are my 2 biggest needs right now
you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
also, did you notice that when he quoted your email he used MLA format?
Disney World has no open container laws. Ohmygod this place is even cooler than it was when I was ten.
Class is significantly more awkward when you know that your teacher knows what you look like with your legs behind your head... Just saying.
I just spent the last 30 mins playing uplifting songs to my uterus, & there's no way I'm pregnant.
How do I tell my Dad that in the picture he has of me and my brother as the background of his phone we were both rolling face on ecstasy?
I really need to create fewer "the time I was on drugs" stories for my future memoir, "my first year in San Francisco".
good luck with that
Haha yeah my head's fine..sorry about the dent in your fridge.
I will turn myself into a beacon of get at me bro
Just participated in the saddest thing: Cheetos. Handjob. I have lost at life
I am so horny that I an legitimately concerned for your safety when I see you tonight.
Tomorrow has nothing to do with the threesome
I am the one with the vagina. I get to call it.
he high fived his dick after we had sex
So I had this brilliant idea that I would sleep in all sorts of sweatpants and sweatshirts... Apparently I thought I could "sweat" off the drunk in my sleep and that it would make me feel better when I woke up
Randomize
