Rub youre cunt and tell me you love me.
Your incorrect use of you're doesn't arouse me in the slightest.
ok watching intervention on tv. when i hit rock bottom - i wanna be THIS chick.
i guess this means i'm going to be wearing knee socks during sex again
i mean, some people chug beer and some people chug hard liquor. some people have good ideas and some people have bad ideas. it's all about perspective.
I'm using my ex boyfriends dog to find a guy at the park I could see fuck buddy potential in. I'm the queen of irony.
Who is Katie and why do we have her birthday cake?
My new hangover cure is going for a haircut, just so the stylists give me a scalp massage during the shampoo.
That certainly explains the nine times your hair has looked different just this last month alone.
Wait, you seriously DON'T keep vodka in your backpack??!??!?
We woke up at 7:30am. We got a 30 rack, yelled at all the freshman shackers walkin back to their dorms, played a game of beer die, and boned all before 11:00am. I found my soulmate
Not blacking out at our finals party is my Everest
Your mother may get texts again about women putting dog food up their vaginas and asking for it to be licked.
she started chasing me through the forest like a horny serial killer
Wanna have a sleepover and take me to court in the morning?
HOW THE FUCK IS IT POSSIBLE THAT THE JUNIOR HIGH STUDENT IS BETTER AT BEING AN ADULT THAN I AM!?!?
Shit. My boss is having me meet and greet with the new doc upstairs. Do you think his doctor powers will detect that I'm still high?
Randomize
