Things overheard in WeHo: "Just drink a corona and eat some ass, you won't be hungry anymore"
hey bro how do you do that fake vagina thing with the tp roll? im bored.
mom in a round about way told me to either donate my eggs or become a surrogate bcuz I need money.
I believe its time to stop celebrating Thanksgiving. I've been drunk for over a week. If my liver doesn't give out, and I'm not pregnant I will truly have something to be thankful for.
she puked ON me while she was on top, worst holiday hookup ever
MASS TEXT! MASS TEXT! Your sad horny friend has finally gotten it in and can go back to being normal once again. You're welcome.
They got me high and left me at the mall with a giftcard for $400. I need an adult.
Her next conquest seems to be stealing her ex-boyfriend's new girlfriend. Pretty sure everyone involved is totally OK with this.
Last night, I listened to Aladdin on my ipod while I stole bread and cheese from Wal-Mart. I feel like you're the only one who'd be proud of me.
mom how many of the songs from my childhood are mexican drinking songs?
all of them.
He offered me my choice of the Abe Lincoln or Ben Franklin dick pic.
I've never had to kick an employee out of bed to go to work before.
Said he wanted to wear me as a loincloth. Not sure if sexual or predatory
Sitting naked in my bed eating leftover Mexican food drinking coors light.. Can it get any more single than this?
I woke up this morning to my panties draped around the neck of an empty bottle of bulleit. That is the perfect visual metaphor for my life at this juncture.
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