i tried to light my apt on fire. reasons why drunks and women should not cook
I'm calling you out on twitter if you don't come over right now.
He went through and tagged himself on my crotch in all of my facebook pics
Some guy said that sham wows were the same as regular shammys. needless to say you had to be restrained. you kept trying to 'slap chop' him.
While in Europe, he bought me a pouring tap to put on my liquor so I don't spill. This means 2 things.1) He really loves me. 2) I'm a noticeable alcoholic.
I woke on the floor next to a big TV. Apparently I traded my bed for a 52 inch samsung and a box of pop tarts.
well my dad not being home definitely made it less awkward to walk in carrying the bra I left wearing.
still using moms red Christmas cookie plate she sent to cut lines on. not sure I can return with a clear conscious
You working tonight?
Keg. Hottub. Wearimnh a 8th graders bikini. Mess
Between the dance party in the car and the distraction of the momma bear and two cubs im a cops wet dream roght now when comes to wreckless driving.
Call me old fashioned but i like to drunk dial a girl 2 or 3 times before sending a dick pic
Free tacos and bad night are never used in the same sentence
Her boobs take up a lot of room so God had to skimp on the brains
Dropping acid was like seeing the whole world as a blank canvas to imagine anything I wanted.
And apparently all you wanted was to watch the sun explode and me take 60,000 dicks to the face.
Your aunt just offered to blow me for a ride home....how did you end up such a prude?
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