I feel odd... a had sex with a chick and she keept her socks on...
I mean we're not committed. He's my first choice, sort of like miller lite. When I'm at the bar I'm going to order one, but if they don't maybe I'll go for a bud or blue moon. I'm certainly not going to stop drinking
getting kicked in the face by someone doing a keg stand. just my luck
Sometimes I stop and laugh and think "and these are my actual life choices".
Some guy just bought a handle of cuervo, a curling iron, and a power drill. Paid with a jar of change. I'm torn between avoiding him and befriending him..
Yeah, it kinda sucks. But it was fun while it lasted. And honestly, his penis is way too big for my life.
Ahhh sometimes you just need a thermos of whiskey in the library
The bet was for naked jumping jacks. And it back fired, she just laughed at all the slapping noise.
Today is the day I die from a hangover. I love you, mom. Farewell.
He came so hard that he yelled what sounded like a spell from Harry Potter.
I didn't have cash to pay cover at the bar, so I traded the bouncer a Krispy Kreme doughnut i had in my purse
Woke up in a cemetery. Puked in front a funeral ceremony that was going on.
Also I feel like death. But like. In a good way
Sometimes a man just deserves to get woken up with a blowjob.
he's figured out my code; what are you doing = I haven't found a better dick yet
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