I just made what I can safely estimate to be a 900 calorie pb&j. Fuck a serving size.
he said that weed should be legal but that particular bong shouldn't be. i stared at a clock for an hour and a half after i ripped. so logically, i completely agree.
I'm gonna sleep with her just to prove to my roomate that shes a slut and he's wasting his time
No, pictures of your dick will not make me feel better about my grandmother having a brain tumor.
I always give him head in random places, it's a guessing game for his cock.
he tried to convince me he was a seal.. sound effects included. and then asked me to 'be his lady seal'.
All I remember was after sex she kept trying to take pictures of my dick "for memories"
I just passed a drug test. I want to shout that from the top of a mountain. Can we have beers on the top of a mountain?
He texted me saying that his mom found my nuva ring in their jacuzzi filter. I don't think I'm welcome back anytime soon.
His phone pocket dialed me while he was crapping. He was quietly singing stayin alive and possibly passing his intestines.
with a cock that big I don't even care that he makes a convincing drag queen
There's a website where you can order a pile of horse shit to be dropped on a persons doorstep. So that's another option.
The awkward moment your booty call shows up to the Mexican restaurant and realizes you just picked burritos over pussy
Wish me luck on my new penis adventure
So someone just asked us for our kidneys?!?
Randomize
