I think I'm in Tiajuana
You are not in Tijuana. I saw you an hour ago
I could be
Just learned how to deliver a baby.the things i saw tonight can never be unseen
i just threw up in the porta potty. i am in no condition to be guarding anyone's life rite now.
Found a pint glass in my snow pants.
i just feel like it would be irresponsible for you to not have sex with me again.
My vagina agrees.
I don't know if you remember, but I was only wearing an afghan.
literally hosing herself off in my back yard with the hose. i offered her the shower but she refused. that drunk.
I'm afraid you are becoming too bourgeois with your switch from boxed wine to bottled.
you regret 100% of the tequila shots you do take. thats what gretzky meant to say
I can't promise that. They just put an extra shot in my margarita.
My VP dropped me off at the Strip Club in Houston. Just said "I was never here".
Just had sex in the room next to my parents. Heading back to school ASAP.
Why'd you print out every dick pic you've ever received and tape them to the bathroom walls?
If you don't respond in the next 30min, I'm going to assume your in a sex coma, in jail, or dead... All of which I've become accustomed to, and will follow the appropriate channels of notification once you notify me.
So there we are, fucking beneath the Christmas tree and I glance up and see one of the local Jehovah's witnesses staring in horror through the decorative glass in the front door. I'm so proud of us.
Randomize
