I woke up this morning with I hate myself feeling
Deffinety need to stop having sex on the beach just took a dump and it was mostly sand
I drank 13 shots. Which is unlucky. Which is why i threw up.
you threw up because you drank 13 SHOTS
I'm gonna laugh so hard when we're both married with families
That statement alone makes me laugh so hard.
Guys, I'm sleeping in the BOYNTON LAUNDRY ROOM. if you can, come let me out in the morning as I have no keys. I might be in the study room possibly. DON'T FORGET. I will be trapped
the lady next to me just sniffed my hair, smiled, and then fell asleep. I almost started crying from that kind of creepiness
don't cry, we can learn from her
Seriously, do normal people actually get work done being this hungover? No wonder the economy's in the shitter
All three roommates are gay and in women's studies. Ive already been informed that all penetration is rape. This is not the college experience I signed up for.
my dad pointed to my full beer and said drink up we're leaving now.
can you adopt me?
This is my life. Enjoy the view
You kept asking us from the backseat if you were driving ok and then you kept talking to your hiccups and yelling at them to "stop it already!"
Did I try to sell your body for chicken tenders last night?
Is "You've never made me cum." an acceptable breakup line?
Next time I pee on a car, I'll text you.
Dude, I'm sorry if you saw me getting head in my truck last night. My bad.
Randomize
