curled up in a ball on my bed listening to my "cuddle with a boy" playlist. prettty high.
First date. He's wearing a tuxedo shirt and keeps asking me about our future children. Escape plan #3 is now in action...
3 guesses about who had to still-drunkenly facilitate a fire drill at 2:40am because freshmen can't handle microwave popcorn.
Yes, you can 69 in a fiat. But I think I have permanent nerve damage
FYI...Jose likes Shamrock shakes better than Jack
You should have hard cock pics on hand to send in the situation that you can't stop driving, pull out your cock, browse the countless pics I've sent you of my tits, get him hard and text a pic through. I mean, it's simple sexting ettiquette.
I swear to all that is holy, next time you get my mom high with your "special bake sale" I am going to put your dick in the blender.
I'm just gonna start letting dudes eat it. American idol for my vagina
I thought I was heading girls talk. It was the toilet. Like put my ear to it
You can wear anything you want
So... Naked it is then
I'm gonna watch porn and nap. I think I really have this Valentine's Day thing down
I was just dry heaving outside of the Chem building when a guided tour walked by. Welcome to the Maritimes kids...
I knew you were on something when you said you were a puppy and you ate all the frosty Paws dog ice cream which says not for human consumption right on the side of it.
Ooooh no. Jesus take the wheel, or Moses. SOMEBODY TAKE THE WHEEL
Listen, yo... we need to have a serious conversation about this Dollar Store toilet paper. Because if I’m going to finger someone’s ass, it’s not going to be my own.
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