I wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commercials.
i decided to cut a 3rd hole in to my snuggie so i could masturbate all the time.. all time low? or genius?
shouldve known this week was gonna be bad when I threw up in my coffee mug
Bring single women, or taken women who are unhappy with their relationships, or women who are happy with their relationships but have low moral standards, or women who just like to remove clothing when drunk (relationship status is unimportant for this option)
Psh a bachelors degree is the new adulthood. We're all just pretending anyways. I'm sitting on my boyfriends couch while he's passed out drunk. In my lap. On a Wednesday. And he's a nurse. See, pretending to be an adult
It's was about average. But he had a tat on his thigh that said "pull-out n' rollout" so I won't have to worry about a round two request.
In other news, I apparently ate my retainers while rolling last night.
I showed up to a booty-call in my onesie pajamas and rubber boots
He walked straight into the wall, said "excuse me ma'am" and continued back to his dorm room.
Ive been high since the plane left the ground in Los Angeles and Ive been in Chicago. Right now, Im on a train headed towards downtown to go to an anime convention. At this point, I am just taking life as it comes, furries and all.
please tell dad to clear the porn off his tablet before he lends it to anyone from now on
Question: have you ever spent your Tuesday evening helping your one-night-stand create a resume? Because I have...
I'm driving to work hungover. I feel like I got hit by a train and then drank that train too.
Just made a drug contact standing in the sandwich line in the dining hall. Is this real life?
You're my fucking hero.
I had Mac n cheese made with weed butter last night. Epic
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