so i woke up in some guy's bed but then i realized i can atone for this tomorrow
The Fresno prostitute seemed offended all I wanted from her was directions back to the freeway.
He asked me where I wanted it. I told him in the condom. He stops mid thrust and says "you're no fun" and then blew. Chivalry is semi dead.
This is your liver's 7:15 wake up call. Mandatory margarita popsicles after work today. Rule #71: no excuses, play like a champ!
Maybe tomorrow I'll be drunk again and can provide you with texts at a more reasonable hour. Here's hoping. GOodnight. Tebow loves you
IF HE CAN'T EVEN MAKE EYE CONTACT IN CLASS, I DOUBT THERE WILL BE OTHER FORMS OF CONTACT ON OUR FIRST NOT-A-DATE DATE
God only knows how I ended up there doing crown royal shots to the titanic and insighting a bar wide shit fest when I asked the dj to play levels
Jesus horatio Christ I forgot my mittens and am considering shoving my hands down the pants of the first semi attractive man I see
Fell asleep in the library, woke up because I almost let out a sleep fart. That was close.
you were caressing the jar of pickles then you looked down and whispered to them "I want you inside me"
I'm glad your nude photos turned out "classy" but you cannot hang them in the living room.
We celebrated our relationship by shotgunning beers on his lawn in our underwear. I may have to marry this man...
We need a hype man... Like a DMX type dude to just up the ante constantly...
My disapointment is making my balls hurt :(
I made it 1 week... 5 business days at my new job before sleeping with my coworker.
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